I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
