oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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