i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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