walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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