I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
