I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
