you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
