One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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