Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
