This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
