You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
