I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
