There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
