I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
