They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
