I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
