There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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