We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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