This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
