I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
