I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
