I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
