You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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