we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
