just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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