im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
