Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
