Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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