he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
