the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
