dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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