Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
