Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
