Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
