the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
