I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
