Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
