Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
