dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
