Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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