it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
