you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
