...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
