Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
