Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I deserve this hangover.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
