Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
