O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
