So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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