Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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