By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
